Stress or Why I seem so emo lately

Here it is over a month later since my last update.

Zach got sent home from school for abdominal discomfort. Talked with the doctor and there is a virus going around. We just need to watch him. All of his blood work came back great. Hemoglobin is up to 14! I just never know when to bring him home and when to leave him in school. I'm so freaked out over every little thing with him.

I haven't seen Dad in forever, I tried to call the grandmonster and she didn't answer. I don't have the bandwidth to deal with it. I feel like the worst daughter in the world but I just can't. There aren't enough hours in the day. There isn't enough emotional anything left at the end of the day. This is killing me. The guilt is horrible.

Then there is work. I'm already doing as many hours as I can, working at home after I leave the office. Even on weekends. No matter how much I do I can't seem to do enough. I'm failing. I'm so far behind, I can't sleep because I'm thinking of the things I have to do, when I do fall asleep it's for a few hours and I'm back to thinking what I need to do..If I add it up I'm doing 60+ hours a week. I feel like I could work a straight 24 and still not get caught up.

This is why I may seem so emo. I feel like I'm failing at everything. I've gained 20 pounds in the last year. I'm feeling very fat and out of sorts. In all, I'm just generally unhappy. I have no more spoons at the end of each day.

I'm failing at life.. This life that I'm leading isn't what I had wanted.

Eta - so if I seem overly emo it's not really emo, it's stress and just not having enough spoons.

Star Date -312970.7713723999 - New Years Resolutions and blatherings

First blog post. New year, new thoughts, new goals.

My first goal of the year is to rid my life of things that no longer work for me. Whether this is a family member, a "friend" or just physical things. Out it goes. I've started purging a few things in the apartment. I have a lot more to go.

My second goal is to lose the 15 pounds I gained last year. I've been stress eating. Usually around 3pm I want a cupcake, cookies or something sweet. I found I ate an eclair and 2 buttercream iced cookies from Wegman's in a single day. I don't want to think about the calories in that. Or there were the days of the Chipotle burrito, which I found has a whopping 20 points! That being said, I'm back doing Weight Watchers. Trying to be good. I need to find low point, filling snacks. The grapefruit didn't cut it.. :(

Nextly, I'm very worried about Wacky. He was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis back in October. Since then he still hasn't completely gone into remission. He's still on prednisone. They've added 6-MP on top of the Asacol, prednisone, Prilosec, Folic Acid, Vit. D, Multivitamin and Iron. He's still bleeding. We start the 6-mp tonight.

My dad is still in rehab. I'm not sure where he is or how he's doing. I don't have the bandwidth to deal with it. Last I knew they never expect him to get movement. So I broke down and called my grandmonster, he's not any better. Still on the respirator, very little movement in the left arm, no other movement anywhere. They think they will get him off the respirator but they don't know when.

I need a beach vacation, with mai tais and my cabana boy.